Merriman vs. Ochocinco

Posted: July 21, 2011 in Football, NFL
Tags: , , , ,

  VS 

With the NFL lockout only coming to a maybe, sort of, in principal, theoretical end, players are starting to get anxious and, quite likely, flat out bored.  Bills linebacker Shawne Merriman and Bengals wideout and camera lover extraordinaire Chad Ochocinco are no exception.  In a recent feud on twitter, it seems the two have decided that the lockout has provided them with a propitious opportunity to square off mano y mano.  The feud even attracted the attention of UFC founder and CEO Dana White, who tweeted “@ochocinco @shawnemerriman I’m in!  please put this on enough is enough.”  Well, if it’s good enough for Dana White…

Though Merriman and Ochocinco are probably great friends in real life and this whole thing is probably a PR stunt gone terribly mediocre, I’ve decided to do a little pre-match analysis, just in case this spectacle of punk on punk pugnacity actually transpires.

At 6’4″, 265 lbs., Merriman towers over the 6’1″ Ochocinco and outweighs him by nearly seventy-five pounds.  If I were a betting man, I’d say that Merriman also has a reach advantage over Ochocinco, but those stats unfortunately aren’t kept for professional football players.  That being said, Ochocinco has the age advantage, but he is not necessarily more mature, which his painfully childish publicizing of the phrase “Chile Plea” on HBO’s  “Hard Knocks” proves.  One area where Ochocinco is certainly more skilled is in his ability to smack-talk, to get into his opponent’s head; if he wins this fight, mouth-running will be the key.  If Ochocinco can throw combination flurries of insults, he just may make Merriman mad enough to miss, opening an opportunity for him to sidestep a takedown and put one of those bony kneecaps into Merriman’s face.  This would likely force the referee to stop the fight because, though the lockout is still in effect, the NFL’s concussion rules will still be enforced due to a double secret probation style clause; this will also allow the league to fine Ochocinco an exorbitant amount of money for an illegal hit.  In all likelihood, however, Merriman will pummel Ochocinco in this bout like a grown man fighting a six year old.  After Ochocinco is enervated from running his mouth for the first two rounds, Merriman will strike in the third and go to a ground and pound, accepting the fine from the league as a small price to pay to finally shut Ochocinco up.

All I can say is that I hope Dana White is serious about being serious about making this thing happen.  No matter the outcome, there is no way that this wouldn’t be entertaining.

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